Throughout the start of this year I have noticed a trend. More and more people are talking about learning more about self.
Some term it Self Awareness, others know thy self or connect with self, which ever term / phrase it is they are usually covering the same concepts which may include some of the following:
- Understanding strengths and blind spots (things you are unaware of)
- Recognizing and labeling thoughts / emotions
- Identifying behavioral trends (what triggers you?)
- Creating your own value and belief systems
- Identifying your drives & purpose
It is tremendous to see this topic becoming more prevalent, especially in high schools for adolescents.
However, I believe we are missing a key component when we discuss it, and that is the influence our environment has on us and the people we are – this is even more important to factor in when discussing this topic with adolescents.
In my opinion, we are not as authentic as we all want to be (and that is ok). Instead, we are creations of the environments we inhabit and the people we frequent most, therefore to understand self you must also understand your environment.
The older I get the more I notice traits of other people in me.
Family members, friends, mentors, even idols and people I look up to have had a tremendous influence on the way I think, feel, act, and express who I am – good and bad.
Sometimes I think to myself that reminded me of [blank], it makes me chuckle.
(For example, I recently went to sit on a couch and to do so flung myself onto it with a recklessness which almost made the couch tip over – I soon realized this was an action I had watched my brother do countless times over the years, now I was doing it.)
Other times I think to myself, ‘I really need to change [blank]’. It’s a confronting moment isn’t it, when you identify in someone else something that you don’t like, only to realize you have inhabited that same trait.
Whilst there appears to be a negativity associated with being ‘influenced’ by someone else, in the right context I don’t think it is anywhere near as bad as we might think.
What you need to be able to discern within yourself is;
Is this who I want to be?
A friend of mine often mentions that we are the ’embodiment of our 5 closest friends / family members’, based on this you could reframe the question above to the following;
Do I like the type of people my 5 closest friends / family members are?
Note that even if you answer ‘No’ to these questions, you are still being heavily influenced by your environment.
Instead of having 5 examples of how you want to act, think etc. You now have 5 examples of how you DON’T want to act or think (process of elimination is a powerful tool as well).
For a long time I would describe myself as an introvert. Now though, I’m not so sure, here’s why.
I don’t think you can label a person as an introvert or extrovert without first taking into account the environment they are in.
I have watched many adolescents (as well as identified it in myself) that are very quite and reserved, tend to keep to themselves. But then that one person walks in the room or they get in a space that they are familiar with and all of a sudden, BOOM! It’s like a completely different person.
It’s this example that makes me think the following;
We have many different forms of ourselves. And we subtly shift in and out of these forms depending on what we perceive to be required by the context we find ourselves in.
Again people may think that has a negative connotation to it. The phrase ‘two faced’ may come to mind. But in my opinion it is simply adapting who you are to the people you are with and the space you are in.
If you still don’t believe me then I ask you this;
Would you speak to your grandmother the same way you speak to your teammates in the changes rooms at the local footy club?
Instead of being ashamed that you aren’t the exact same person all the time, just ask yourself this question:
Is this who I want to be?
Whilst the environment and people may make you act a little different, they may also bring out traits that are required in that space and could even tap into skills that you may require in the future.
I for one am liberated when I recognize admirable traits in myself that I know I have picked up from other people.
I am also grateful for the interests that have been passed down to me from so many around me;
- My love of sport from my brother
- My interest in the music I listen to from my dad
- My love of reading from my mum
I know I am the makeup of those around me – good and bad, and I am incredibly proud of that.
The more I learn about self the more I am realizing how much of me is from those around me and the more I wake up to what is around me the more I also learn about myself.
