When we empathies with someone we seek to understand their perspective and all that comes with that (including feelings).
Compassion takes that a step further as we begin to launch into action – ‘how can I help’. It isn’t just understanding & feeling, it is also doing.
Both are such beautiful skills to possess. But both require a tremendous output to the external world and like anything require boundaries.
I recently had a conversation with a client that went something like this:
Client: … I recently took a personality assessment, which said I was a ‘Defender’.
Me: Elaborate on ‘Defender’, what are its strengths?
Client: A lot of care for other people
Me: I can definitely see that in you. Do you know what the snares of that are?
Client: Poor self-care.
Me: Can you see those traits in yourself?
Client: Yes, what about you? can you relate to that?
Me: Yes
I’ve abbreviated the above passage to make it a little more concise, but you get the gist.
I must tell you if you knew more about this person you’d be amazed at the self-awareness and insight they have shown above.
Nevertheless, it provides a great prompt to think about the other side of compassion & empathy.
My intention here is not to denounce compassion & empathy. They’re such vital skills. Rather, what I am trying to do is highlight the need for balance and sustainability – the extreme of anything is detrimental and cannot last.
If you do find yourself on the other side of compassion & empathy you may now be feeling the opposite.
All of a sudden you may become indifferent and moody. You may lack motivation and productivity, as well as fatigue and tiredness.
In this circumstance ‘Self Care’ is required.
Whilst movement, sleep, hydration, and eating well, are always important I often find there is a deep desire and need here for something personal and novel.
What is it that you love to do? What gives you pleasure?
Finding that thing will often help change both our mental and physical states. And with that we can begin the process to returning to the right side of compassion and empathy – perhaps this time with a little more caution around control and insertion (that’s for another time).
